Original
Today is Thursday, I didn’t write anything in the past a week. It’s not mean I give up to record my terrible life, I just busy for my schoolwork, so I cheat myself and look forward to obliterating the truth of my failture. People must need to learn how to embrace the worst result. We all have sins, giant buildings as well as tiny metal powers, they adapt the environment which creative by human. We are the god of world now, though no animal who lived in the earth millions years admit the renown of it.
There must be one day I dead far away from my home, I motherland’s blood like a steam never stop running. Nobody care! After this night, there’s another day. I still I and you still you, everything seems don’t change, but as you know my fucking friend, the sun goes up.
Modified Version
Today is Thursday, and I haven’t written anything in the past week. It’s not because I’ve given up on documenting my chaotic life; I’ve just been overwhelmed with schoolwork. In my busyness, I’ve deceived myself, hoping to erase the truth of my failures. People must learn to embrace the worst outcomes. We all carry sins—whether in the form of towering buildings or tiny metal fragments, they adapt to the environment we’ve crafted. We’ve become the gods of this world, yet no animal that roamed the earth for millions of years acknowledges our self-proclaimed glory.
There will come a day when I die far from home, my motherland’s blood flowing like an endless stream. Nobody will care. After this night, a new day dawns. I remain myself, and you remain yourself—everything seems unchanged. But as you know, my dear friend, the sun still rises.
Suggestions for Improvement
“terrible life” → “chaotic life”: “Terrible” feels overly negative and vague. “Chaotic” conveys a sense of disorder while maintaining emotional weight and aligning with the tone of being overwhelmed.
“cheat myself” → “deceived myself”: “Cheat” is informal and slightly awkward here. “Deceived” is more precise and fits the introspective tone.
“obliterating the truth of my failture” → “erase the truth of my failures”: “Obliterating” is overly dramatic, and “failture” is a typo. “Erase” is simpler and more natural, and “failures” corrects the spelling while pluralizing to reflect multiple setbacks.
“creative by human” → “we’ve crafted”: “Creative” is a noun, not an adjective, and the phrase was grammatically incorrect. “We’ve crafted” is active, concise, and grammatically correct.
“renown of it” → “self-proclaimed glory”: “Renown of it” is vague and awkward. “Self-proclaimed glory” is more specific and emphasizes human arrogance, tying into the “gods of this world” metaphor.
“I dead far away” → “I die far from”: Corrected the verb tense (“dead” to “die”) and preposition (“far away from” to “far from”) for grammatical accuracy and flow.
“I motherland’s blood like a steam never stop running” → “my motherland’s blood flowing like an endless stream”: Corrected “I” to “my” for possession, rephrased “like a steam never stop running” to “flowing like an endless stream” for clarity and poetic flow.
“Nobody care!” → “Nobody will care.”: Added future tense (“will”) for consistency with the hypothetical scenario and removed the exclamation for a more somber tone.
“my fucking friend” → “my dear friend”: The profanity felt jarring and out of place given the reflective tone. “Dear friend” maintains intimacy while aligning with the emotional depth.
